Are you living in the past?

For some living in the past has become a way of life. Moving on from past relationships happy memories can cause us a great deal of pain and suffering.

Living in the past give us the illusion of certainty and knowing, it’s pretty much a survival instinct albeit not a particularly healthy one. Avoiding pain is a human trait we all have but ironically living in the past also causes us pain. Living in the past feels safer than stepping into the big unknown and in our minds we don’t become vulnerable.

Hanging on to the past even if it’s full of pain is familiar to us so therefore we choose that over an unknown future.

An example of not letting go is a failed marriage or relationship which normally involes a great deal of emotional pain. The female may bring the failings up again and again making it impossible for either of them to move on.

And the reason why they struggle to let go?

Think back to the first time you ever met your ex partner. Chances are you can recall where you were, what you were doing. However try to recall the day before you met, you probably cannot remember much detail at all. The way we operate means that we do not retain much information about events in life that don’t have emotion attached to them.

An emotional female partner will recall anything that affects her emotionally and even more so if it causes her pain or suffering. On the flip side men are guilty at times of not attaching or showing enough emotion. This is because by nature men focus emotional energy on letting go and moving beyond problems. Women on the other hand tend to focus on not letting go, they overflow and build up bags of raw emotion. And when you have a tough situation such as a separation it becomes more difficult to let go.

On an emotional level this impacts our happiness and stops us from moving on.


First of all you need to recognise that you want to move on and start letting go of the past. Be aware of the reasons why you are ready, how will your life change? And how will you feel when you get by this bump in the road?

When you have an understanding of this and know why and what you want it will help you stay motivated. Nobody is saying it will be easy and you will have challenges along the way, but if you have a good reason and a strong purpose you will get there just stick in at it.


So how do you live emotionally? Do you tend to get drawn into certain ways of thinking and feeling? Do these feelings and thoughts help or hinder you?

Misery likes company! You will never struggle to find people to empathise with your misery. Certain emotions have become habits so what is it you do, is it anger, worry, sadness, over thinking, stressing the list goes on and on.

Are you aware on how these emotions impact you on a day by day basis. The way you feel and the way you think has a massive impact on the way you approach life. Your emotions change the way you speak, the language you use and more importantly the way you act. The danger here is that life becomes all about the negative overpowering the positive.

When you become aware of your emotional traits, you start to make acute changes towards a more positive approach. The way you feel is always a good reflection of the quality of your thoughts. Just as you can get in the habit of feeling sad, angry, anxious and depressed, you can also get into the habit of feeling strong, focused, driven and passionate.


Things start to change when you adopt the habit of conditioning your thinking every day. You have to work at and make a conscious decision that you will only allow empowering thoughts and emotions to rule your life.  If you don’t follow this process life just starts to happen to you and before you know it you are feeling disillusioned, downbeat and unfulfilled.

Understand the analogy (Garbage in, Garbage Out) bad thoughts come in and bad emotions will play out. If you feed yourself with empowering thoughts and emotions, and be aware of the way you interact with your thoughts, these small things you start to do everyday will ultimately lead to major changes.


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